Recent Reflections

Well, for anyone randomly keeping up with this it should serve as an obvious indication of how busy Trey and I are, that we don’t post very much on this thing.  Plus the random videos idea kind of got shot down the tubes thus far.  I chalk it up to one of those “best laid plans” things.

We’re pretty much through with 2 full months now.  I’ve got my last test of the 2nd term tomorrow, which we walked through in class yesterday, and i’m 100% sure that i’ll get another 100 so long as I don’t go too fast and continually check myself.  As of tonight, the assumed total is 5 100′s, but I can’t be perfectly sure until I get some grades in.  I never got last terms grades, and some people said they were sent to people’s old addresses, so mine must’ve been sent to my old apartment in Roanoke, and I just haven’t gotten off my tail to walk over to student services and gripe about it yet.  So far my assumption seems to have been proven right — all of the tests are ridiculously easy (i’m assuming for graduation/accrediting purposes) so long as you review a little bit.  That’s not to say we don’t learn anything though.  I actually think the pressure of performing well in class, among your peers, and your teachers, is by far more important than the actual tests are.  It’s becoming painfully obvious that the only tests that are super important are the Pro Tools certification exams, which have this monolithic mystique about them.  Everyone tells you they’re insanely hard — if they’ve taken the tests or not.  I’m beginning to wonder exactly what’s hard about them, other than the mass of information about a single program that it seems you have to know.  We’ve got 4 more months to learn it like the back of our hand until the first certification test, and honestly right now i’m really not that afraid… and something just seems wrong about that compared to how my peers feel.

Today reminded me a lot of exactly why I came here in the first place.  I don’t want to say that i’ve been second-guessing the decision to move here and chase this dream, because that isn’t true at all.  But I think that i’m so used to how everything and everyone fits back home, that now that i’m settled here — in a place where that doesn’t exist — i’m really missing it.  It’s not to say that people back home haven’t been supportive of us, because everyone has been amazing, and I know every time I talk to Betsy, or Garth, Wayne, Aubrey, Mom, anyone, there’s always a version of “you’re amazing — i’m really proud of you guys — keep up the good work, it’ll pay off”.  Without that, things would be a whole lot crazier than they sometimes can be here mentally.  But, that being said… I know I miss Denny’s nights, and dates, and shows, and random movies at Wayne & Garth’s, 80′s tv show marathons, and even being home and doing absolutely nothing in a familiar place.  Without those things, and the people that consistently keep me level, things have at times become a lot harder than I ever thought they would be.  But… like I said, today reminded me exactly why I came here.  I went to lunch/hung out with a friend i’ve made here, and I got to finally go in-depth on the stories that I kind of keep on reserve about how my friendships in Roanoke really blossomed a few summers ago.  I got to rehash the stories of how Trey and I felt like we were more important than a lot of people in life told us that we were, and how we helped start sort of a movement in local music, and the big ideas that suddenly turned into, and exactly how that lead us here.  It’s not that i’d really forgotten any of it, but I think I momentarily lapsed into the reasoning of everyone around me for a week or two without realizing it.  I wasn’t fighting for my friends and people I love back home anymore (also known as “what I care about”), and I was focused on things around me that were trivial and unimportant.  I got a minute or two to rant to Garth about it for a second tonight, and he came back with a response that reminded me of when I called him “a big brother I never had” once.  We’re here, we’re doing this, and there isn’t a turning back now no matter how difficult it can get.  But the beginning has to be taken care of before we can do anything else.  Planting your feet and taking the first step is always the hardest part of any important thing you do… but after that first step, all of the rest becomes much easier and more enjoyable.  We’re still trying to take that first step, and on top of that, as Betsy always reminds me — regardless of what happens, everyone still loves us.  I don’t think we could have better people in our lives, and that means ALL of you.  So thank you, a ton.

In other random news — i’m officially kind of co-running the sound at church now.  That’s the other big thing i’ve been trying to dive into since we got here — not only planting myself here in Los Angeles, but planting myself in my faith.  To an extent, I have to do that alone, and I think that’s part of the reason why i’m here.  But yeah, the last few weeks, i’ve gotten deeper not only in exploring my faith, but in becoming accountable to people and my church.  I’ve always been one to be extremely hesitant when it comes to any church, and its followers.  I’ve run into a few situations where, the community turned into a social club that shunned you for having secular friends, or where I was just flat out told I was wrong about something without any discussion.  I don’t mind being wrong, especially as i’m not particularly knowledgeable of the Bible or faith as a lot of Christians are — but when i’m told something, and I bring up an opposing viewpoint, or ask a question… I think in ANY subject, I don’t learn anything and I don’t experience if i’m just thrown a brick wall.  So when Betsy and I decided to give New Century a try — I was pretty blown away that I could talk to people, and my fear of being shunned or looked down upon never came to fruition.  People actually talked to me, and encouraged me to come back and ask any question I had… which… has pretty much never happened to me before.  I was even more blown away, when I came here, attended the church that Betsy told me about WHILE she was still in Jamaica (of ALL times for prayers to be answered about me finding a church out here), and so far it’s been the EXACT same type of experience as New Century.  Not only that, but the environment is incredibly diverse, the services are just as thought provoking, and i’ve been completely warmly accepted and encouraged to become a part of a place where i’m not even a member.  A few weeks ago there was a Newcomer’s lunch, where the church officials would be introducing themselves and you could meet other new members of the community.  For the first time ever, at that point I decided to take the step of truly being accountable and believing in the goodness of the people here — and I got in touch with the sound team to see if I could help out in any way.  Anyone who knows me fairly well knows that I hate giving out my personal information, I hate talking about myself and what i’m doing to strangers or people I don’t trust, and I hate being responsible in situations where I don’t feel comfortable.  So, in one day, I decided to completely disregard all 3 of those things — and now i’ve met 4 people (it’ll be 5 this Sunday) involved in the sound team of the church, been invited to help record/produce sessions of the church band’s CD, helped set up the system and run the sound board for one service, and been asked to volunteer my time even more if the church decides to begin running 2 services a week.  That, plus i’ve made a contact with the Hollywood small group (or community groups as my church calls them), who has pretty much given me an open invitation to come whenever my school schedule allows.  Again, as I write all of that, i’m pretty blown away.  Just about a year ago, I was telling Betsy that I didn’t go to church because I didn’t believe in the community of the church, and that people always take faith and religion and turn it into rules — or reasons to tell other people that they aren’t doing it right (following God/God’s word).  If you’re a believer, then there are only 2 entities that exist to tell you if you’re “doing it right”, and that’s you and God.  One of those is inherently flawed.  A community exists to help guide you, and steer you in the right direction to center your relationship with God.  Nobody can TELL you how to do it, otherwise the whole thing would be a simple couple of steps.  That kind of religion, and church, is always what i’ve hated, and I never realized anything else existed before that.  Now it’s just weird for me to even be typing this here… I guess it’s another form of me being accountable to my actions and who I am.

I told Betsy the other day to feel free to tell anyone and everyone all about how my life is now, what i’m doing, and how everything is working out.  I guess i’ll leave this with a summation… I’m still learning to live with LA, I occasionally have a serious case of homesickness, i’m loving every minute of school even if the tests are pretty much pointless, i’m becoming pretty okay and unashamed of calling myself a Christian, i’m also really really glad so many people love both Trey and I and let us now all the time, I have a ridiculously amazing roomate who I know I can fall back on whenever I need him, and i’m trying… really freaking hard… to be patient, and wait for the opportunities we’re seeking to show themselves… even if I really want them right this very second.

Thanks for reading.  That was way longer than what I meant to type.

- Adam